i don't miss my baby as often now. it's nice.

...until i find myself feeling slightly annoyed at other people's babies. i think: "why am i bugged by this little darling?" and then i think: "oh yeah, it's because i'd rather be holding my own little darling." then i feel a little better and not so badly about being slightly annoyed at the baby. i do a better job at interacting with the not-mine baby then also. i feel badly that even though i really want to hold babies sometimes, the longest i can interact with other babies is about 2 minutes. oh well. it'll get longer when it will.

if i think too long about little Emeth, i start to feel funny. and not very sure what to think. i wanted him to have a happy birthday with his Dad tomorrow, and to have fun during thanksgiving, and to visit Washington for Christmas in a little red sweater.

instead, i'm training a puppy and taking an art class.

oh well.

- says my brain. oh well.

there's a japanese word: "Shyoganai", meaning "There is no fault/reason". It's sort of like "oh well". there's just nothing to be done... type thing. i think this all falls into that category.

In my mind, Emeth was born on Sunny September 22nd. So today, he would have been one month old. happy birthday, buddy...

The 3 women who were pregnant around my time are still pregnant. One is due this month, the other next, and the third in December. to me, they all look beautiful, big, radiant, content and restful. that's probably what the third trimester feels like. i only had it for a couple weeks. and looking back, i suppose i did feel that way a little bit from what i can remember. i've mostly forgotten, though.

tomorrow is husband-love's birthday. it's the second of our celebrations that we'd anticipated having the company of our baby. the first was the Chicago marathon a couple weeks ago. i missed him there with me, cheering on his running dad. tomorrow, we'll miss him trying the tiniest smidgen of frosting.