today is a day when i, for some odd reason, feel a desperate urge to set up a baby nursery. actually, i've been feeling this need for about a week now. i keep thinking things like, 'oh yeah, the baby bed is just in the back of my closet, so i can get that out' and 'i'll have to remember to put the quilt on the rocking chair' and 'now, did i get a hanging lamp for that corner yet?' and 'let see, should i paint the little room, or just leave it creamy-white...'... each one of those thoughts has to be countered with "no, there isn't any baby nursery to be made. this month is just another month - it's not his due date on September 18th. he was born on July 7th. you can set up a nursery next year sometime." somehow i can't quite grasp this though, and i'm afraid i'll just give in and set up a whole nursery without really thinking about it.
we even had a little lambskin wool covering for his mattress. i have a nice organic wool-wash in my cleaning cupboard. and i forgot to get the cloth diapers....
this is a sad day for me. i'm trying to learn how to stay in my sadness and wait for Jesus to give me peace instead of going into other emotions like anger or despair. it's hard to stay in sadness and hard to wait for Jesus to bring me peace. and hard to counter untruths and disappointments with Truth and Hopes.
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