i'm eating Trader Joe's Marinated Bean Salad out of the can because i can't figure out what to have for lunch and this was as good as anything else. 

yesterday i woke up and thought, "today, my baby would have been born". just a feeling that he would have come yesterday. it was a perfect day for a birth yesterday - completely sunny, warm and joy-filled.

all day now, i've been missing my baby. right now, i don't feel like having any other babies. just the one i'm missing. my small group in my women's bible study that i go to on Wednesdays has only older ladies. it makes me feel like going since i don't have to be with lots of young mothers right now.

i've been doing great. but these last days have been a little harder. someone said, "it's all the little milestones that get to you..." i think it is - giving birth this month was one of those milestones, and it's starting to get to me.

husbandlove and i are going to pull out Emeth's two boxes of clothes, stuffed animals and goodies we saved up and go through them this weekend. i just want to see everything and repack it, for some reason. i also want to find the precious little bunnydoll we got for him.

i haven't gotten much done today - just a few loads of laundry, puppy chores, bible study, eating bean salad... now i'm driving to teach a piano lesson. then i'll make some supper. then husbandlove and i are going to the park to play with Penny when he gets home from work at 6:30. i hate it when i don't get much done.

i wish my home wasn't cluttered. maybe i'll pick it up for 10 minutes with a timer. i wish someone would come over for tea. i can't think of who to call.